One of the books that has been significant in my experience of faith is called Blue Like Jazz. While the quality of Donald Miller’s writing has been a point of contention in at least one of my friendships, it doesn’t negate the fact that so much of what Miller expresses in his semi-autobiography has spoken directly into the places where I have needed to hear truth. At one point in his book he says, “What I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do.” So…in a few months I’m moving to Haiti. I’m hoping that this experience will be a way of living my beliefs. I want this blog to be a place where I can share my experience and include you all in the adventure.
The first thing you should know is that I’m probably a little bit crazy. Scratch that. I know I’m a little bit crazy. Three weeks ago I was planning on signing a new lease with friends, penciling in summer shenanigans and buying tickets for concerts in the fall –I can’t believe I’ll have to miss a needtobreathe concert! A lot can change in three weeks. Now I’m praying through what it will be like to leave this community that I’ve grown to love and that has loved me so well. I’m soaking up books and conversations with people who have lived this kind of experience and seeking out connections to build a support system in my new home – Haiti. Woah. Not to mention the practical pieces like what to do with my car, (winter) clothes and just about everything else I own. Do you want to know what the best part of this experience has been so far? You’re in luck, I’ll tell you! The best part has been learning what the perfect peace of Christ really feels like. Seriously. Never in my life have I felt so genuinely that this is what God is calling me to. Eventually, I’d love to share the details of how I believe God orchestrated the timing of this experience. Maybe someday I will do that here, but it is a long story, so for now I’m just going to tell you the essentials.
I have been working at America World Adoption Association (AWAA) for almost a year. This is about as cliché as it gets, but as I was job searching my main concern was finding a job where I would be actively working to affect a positive change in the lives of the people around me. I made it approximately four weeks at AWAA before having my first breakdown. I’m talking ugly cry, y’all. It was not pretty, but it was also kind of beautiful. I found a job where my day to day work helps children find families and some days that work is hard…and confusing…and annoying…and irrational. So occasionally, a good cry is just what a girl needs to serve as a reminder that without some of the hard days the adoption process brings, these beautiful, living, breathing, sweet boys and girls would remain orphans. And I’m not okay with that. If this job has reinforced anything for me, it is that every single child deserves a family. Every single child deserves to know what unconditional love feels like.
There is an old Chinese proverb I heard for the first time when I started working for AWAA. Many of the adoptive families I’ve worked with have held it close to their hearts throughout their adoption processes. It says: “An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break.” What a beautiful picture of relationship, connections, and ultimately God’s providence. He knows who we will meet, where we will go, who will influence us and who we will have the opportunity to influence. I believe God gives us people, opportunities and moments that we can use to pursue and express His glory.
This is a journey that promises struggle, but I truly believe that every difficulty will be worth it. I refuse to let a fear of loneliness or unknown be the reason I don’t pursue this call wholeheartedly. So here we go. Family, friends, complete and utter strangers, welcome to what I’m sure will be a crazy journey.