During Pre-Service Training (PST) Peace Corps gave us all a chart. This chart: I took one look and said “NAH”. Because I’m a narcissist with an innate need to be different (AKA human)….I had determined I would not be allowing a generic chart to tell me how I was going to feel about this experience….
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Maybe I’ll wish I had this time back. Maybe I’ll wish for a do-over. Maybe I’ll wish I had stayed in closer proximity to the people I love and care about. Then again…maybe I won’t.
Green giving way to burnt orange and deep red. Nature turning to golden brown hues. Breathing crisp air, skin tickled by cool breezes. The crackle of freshly fallen leaves breaking apart underneath boots. Tucking my nose into the folds of a hand-knitted infinity scarf while dashing from the nip in the air into warm spaces….
There are two school breaks in Thailand, called bpit terms. One is in mid-October, which I compare to the equivalent of a spring break in the States, and lasts 2-3 weeks. Mid-March through mid-May is the longer summer break. For this bpit term, I went on a adventure with some friends (2 other PCVs and…
Words are a large part of who I am, who we are; the creation and manipulation of them is one critical way we connect and feel understood. To be stripped of them is introducing me to a new realm of vulnerability.
But then…a tiny face with a toothy smile will grin at me. Or my host mom will tell me I’m like the daughter she never had. Or a quiet kid will speak a full sentence to me. Or my awesome counterpart will drive out of his way in the middle of the week so I can play volleyball with adults. Or the student volleyball team will triple check that I’m coming to their practice. Or the neighbor who runs a nearby noodle stand will give me a hug at the market. There are a million and one amazing little moments that continue to outweigh the moments of homesickness, and for that, I’ll continue to be grateful.
There is a saying in English for when things are going well and you are waiting for something bad to happen. We call that: “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Can I confess something really ridiculous? I’ve been hesitant to write about site life and the start of school because I’ve been actively waiting…
Stillness. The air cool and not yet sun baked. Silence. Wind rustling its way through the trees and the birds singing the world awake. Solitude. The yearning for moments alone. Padding out of bed, without the assistance of an alarm clock, to begin the sacred morning coffee ritual. Each morning this week I have found…
Songkran is a 3 day (sometimes longer depending on the region) festival celebrating the Thai New Year. The word Songkran comes from sanskrit meaning transformation or change. Most farang’s (foreigner in Thai) associate it with a giant water fight – and it is – but it was also so much more than that. It was about tradition, and respect, and renewal to begin a new year.
So each morning, I’m up just after the sun and a full day with lots of hours presents itself to me. I’m learning it’s ok not to fill every moment. I have to consciously tell myself to take a deep breath. To be kind to myself and to be ok with just being.